I usually don't get very personal in my
blog.
I keep my posts pretty light and
somewhat superficial.
I am not like other bloggers who pour
out their inner most feelings and what not.
Well, on this post I am going to open
up.
I want to be very honest in my birth
story because I think it is really helpful for women to read about
real birth stories and know that things can happen in very different
ways for different women.
My experience in particular can
hopefully help women know that it's ok if things don't happen like
you expect and if you don't feel like you thought you would.
So here it is, the birth of Alice.
Wednesday
10:00pm – Started having slightly
painful contractions about 10 minutes apart
The contractions continued all night
and I got very little sleep.
Thursday
8:00am – Still having contractions
that were 7 minutes apart and slightly more painful than before.
Called the midwives to let them know and
they said they would be on stand by and would call and check on me
throughout the day.
I should clarify at this point that I
had 3 midwives.
Marilyn, who was pretty loud and
talkative and has the most experienced (35 years) and is licensed.
Bobbi, who is more soft spoken and also
had a lot of experience but had been out of practice for a few years
and was working on renewing her license.
Jennifer, who is younger, talkative and
the high tech one of the three with a background in nursing and was
also working on getting her license.
9:00am – Stephen went to work (he
would have stayed home but he had an important meeting and was only
20 minutes away if I needed him)
10:00am – Contractions still 7
minutes apart but suddenly the pain changed to be a radiating pain in
my hips.
I was really surprised by this. I had
heard of back labor but never hip labor!
At that point with ever contraction I
had to stand up and move around and breath through it.
The most helpful thing for me during
the contractions was to visualize the pain and tightening sensation
to be opening my cervix.
Doing this visualization helped me feel
more in control.
Rather than just trying to endure the
pain like a helpless victim I was focusing on what that pain was
actually accomplishing.
These contraction continued throughout
the day.
Stephen came home and we had dinner and
watched a movie.
10:00pm – Still having contractions 7
minutes apart and I was starting to get really worn out by them and
was afraid they were going to continue though the night without
progressing.
I got a call from Marilyn at this point
and I told her that my contractions still hadn't progressed but that
I was getting tired and that I wouldn't be able to sleep though them
at all.
She said that Bobbi and Jennifer would
drive up (they live an hour away) and check my progress.
I was nervous about this because I
didn't want them to drive all the way to our house and I still not
progress for who knows how long.
Through the whole day I was hating the
pressure on me to determine if I was really in labor or not.
I had been talking to Bobbi throughout
the day and she had suggested that I take a bath to help ease the
pain in my hips.
I had ignored her advice because I hate
baths. Something about sitting in a tub of warm water kinda grosses
me out.
But after I talked to Marilyn on the
phone I caved and got in the bath.
Oh. my. gosh!
Instantly felt a ton better.
I was kicking myself for not doing it
earlier.
I got out after about 20 minutes and my
contractions starting come only 3-4 minutes apart.
I was so happy to finally be
progressing.
11:15pm – Bobbi and Jennifer get to
our house. They check my cervix and I was 6 centimeters dilated.
I was so glad that 24 hours of
contractions had at least been doing something productive.
Friday
1:00am – Bobbi and Jennifer went and
laid down in our guest room. Stephen fell asleep on the couch and I
went into our bedroom.
The contractions at this point were
pretty intense and close together and I was struggling to stay on top
of the pain.
2:00am – Stephen woke up and came in
our room with me. Marilyn got to our house and checked to see how I
was doing and went to lay down on the couch.
I got in the bath tub again and Stephen
sat outside the tub rubbing my back telling me I was doing a good
job.
The bath helped a little but the
contractions were really strong and painful at this point and I was
loosing my focus.
After about 20-30 minutes I decided to
get out of the bath and when I stood up there was some trickling of
liquid other than water and I wondered if my water had broken in the
bath.
I went over to the toilet to go to the
bathroom and suddenly I felt a super strong urge to push during a
contraction.
The pain in that moment completely
overwhelmed me and I felt completely out of control and freaked out.
Looking back, that moment really shows
how important it was for me to focus and stay on top of the pain, if
every contraction had been like that out of control one, I couldn't
have done it.
I told Stephen to get the midwife and
he came back in the bathroom with Marilyn and she told me to lay on
the bed so she could check my cervix.
The mere thought of laying down was
awful but somehow I did it and Marilyn said my water had broke and I
was completely dilated.
She started setting up pillows and such
on the bed and was saying something about me laying down but as soon
as she had finished the exam I got out of bed and stood next to it.
Some women may find it comfortable to
labor laying down, but you would've had to strap me down to get me to
do it, I needed to be standing.
2:45am – The pushing began.
I had read in a lot of birth stories
how women really liked the pushing phase because they felt like they
were doing something.
I hated it.
It hurt. A lot.
Stephen was standing next to me and
Jennifer (designated as the catcher) was sitting on the floor behind
me with a hand mirror to see what was going on.
No one talked to me, which was fine
because I certainly couldn't have held a conversation but Jennifer
and Stephen were talking about my progress as I was pushing.
Stephen asked how long the pushing
phase usually lasts and Jennifer said 2 hours.
I thought to myself, “No way I am
doing this for 2 hours!”
I was kinda annoyed that they weren't
telling me how I was progressing.
I didn't ever know if I was 15 or 2 pushes away from pushing her out.
I heard them talk about seeing her head
and say something about how dark her hair was.
All through labor so far I had been
quiet and not moaned or screamed at all but when I started pushing I
started doing some moaning/screeching. Nothing real loud.
It was funny talking to Stephen
afterward because at one point during the pushing I said “Ow, this
really hurts” a couples times and Stephen said “yeah, when you
said “ow” then I knew you really must be in a lot of pain.”
The breaks between the urges to push
were heaven.
God may have cursed women with painful
childbirth but He gave us a sweet piece of grace and mercy when He
gave those rests between pushes.
(A little dramatic I know, but that is how I felt)
As I felt a new urge to push come on I
would for a few seconds think “Nope, I am not going to do it, it
hurts too much.” but then I would tell myself that I needed to push
Alice out and it would be all over with the faster I did that.
After about 30 minutes of pushing while
standing/squatting my legs got tired and I got down on my knees.
Stephen was still standing next to me
so I grabbed onto his ankle with my right hand and onto the bed frame
with my left and during the pushes I squeezed Stephen's ankle and the
bed frame as hard as I could.
He said it didn't hurt.
Then finally I pushed out her head
after experiencing the “ring of fire” that women always talk
about.
I really wanted to take a break at that
point but I heard some confusion/concern in the talk of the midwives
behind me and Stephen and Jennifer were urging me on so I gave that
final push and out she came.
4:01am – Alice was born.
Jennifer handed Alice to me though my
legs and had me sit down on the ground.
This was the moment that I had imagined
over and over again and heard people always talk about the feeling
you get when you see and hold your baby for the first time.
I was prepared for that magic moment of
overwhelming love.
What I got was mostly a feeling of
being in shock.
It wasn't that I felt like Alice was
some strange baby or anything, she was my baby (even though with a
head full of brown hair she looked nothing like I expected) but I
didn't really feel anything.
I just kept thinking “I'm so glad
it's over”.
Then Stephen cut the umbilical cord and
the midwives helped me stand up and get in bed.
They were saying a lot of different
things to me but I was completely out of it.
Alice was screaming really loud. Even
the midwives commented on her having a very strong set of lungs.
The midwives told me to push and I
birthed the placenta which was nothing compared to pushing out Alice.
Then the midwives left Stephen and I
alone with Alice.
The second magical moment I had dreamed
about and expected was what I had read about that babies when they
are not separated from their mom after birth will latch on and nurse
instinctively.
This did not happen.
Alice just screamed and screamed and I
was still out of it and in shock and there were no warm fuzzies like
I expected and I was just trying to keep from bursting into tears.
Then I told Stephen that I felt light
headed and he went and told the midwives.
They gave Alice to Stephen and told me
I need to get up and go to the bathroom.
I started freaking out that I was
bleeding to death.
They helped me into the bathroom and
Jennifer pushed on my uterus and pushed out some big clots which
freaked me out because I wasn't expecting it.
Then they had me get back in bed and
checked me and saw that I had some tearing.
Not to get to graphic, but I wish I had
known this was possible before, instead of tearing down like most
women do, I tore up.
Bobbi said she could do stitches if I
wanted but that it would heal up fine without, so obviously I opted to
go without.
By the way, after about a day or two
after the birth I felt completely fine except for the tearing.
Tearing is such a pain because it takes
quite a while to heal and its awkward to talk about when people ask
how you are doing.
Then the midwives did the measurements
on Alice and gave her back to me.
She finally started nursing but that
wasn't what I expected either.
I had heard and read about how nursing
releases oxytocin and makes you feel all happy and in love with your
baby.
Didn't get that feeling either.
What I did get was pretty painful
contractions.
The midwives cleaned up all their stuff
and left.
Stephen and I just sat in bed and held
Alice and talked over the whole experience.
As the day went on the shock wore off
and the “warm fuzzies” came on gradually.
By the end of the day I was totally in
love with our little Alice.
As a whole, the labor/birth experience
was less “amazing” “beautiful” “magical” than I expected.
Mostly it was just painful but I was
able to manage it.
I am still glad I did it natural and
glad that I did a home birth and would do it again.
It was really nice to have the freedom
of being in my own home and being able to do what I wanted with no
restrictions, distractions or strange hospital staff.
Also I loved that when the birth was
over that we were home, in our own bed, just us.
The experience did make me more
understanding of women who get an epidural.
For women who are afraid of pain and
are not confident in their ability to birth, labor would be very
difficult without an epidural.
Ideally though, all women would feel
confident in their ability to birth and be less afraid of the pain
that goes with it.
Having a good mindset during labor is
so vital.
Also, I have to say, lactation consultants are awesome.
If you are having any issues breast feeding, don't put it off, see a lactation consultant right away.
They will save your sanity.
So that's it.
That is how Alice was born.
She was so worth it and God willing, I
will do it a couple more times :o)
