Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

And as some of you know, I have PCOS and have struggled with infertility.

On January 2nd 2012 we discovered I was pregnant and I have been overflowing with unspeakable joy ever since.

But oh what a contrast to the unspeakable pain of infertility.

One of my biggest struggles during infertility was hating my body.

It was so terrible to me for the one thing I felt like I could control (myself/my body) to fail and betray me.

That no matter how much I wanted and willed myself to get pregnant, I couldn't make it happen.

When dealing with infertility, your body is a constant reminder of what you are missing and longing for.

And there is no escaping yourself.

I wrote this poem after a particularly painful failed month of fertility treatment (I made the fatal mistake of getting my hopes up).

I want to get away

Escape for just a moment

I want to not feel

I want to not see

I want to not be

These breasts that will not nurse

This belly that will not grow

This womb that will not carry life

These arms that will not hold

This voice that will not soothe

These lips that will not kiss

These hands that will not caress

Not for one moment can I escape

Not for one moment am I not reminded

That I am, and may forever be

barren.

Reading that poem now brings tears of joy and thanksgiving to my eyes because I have now done and experienced all those things.

Some days I am so overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness for Alice that all I can do is fall to my knees and thank God for blessing me so much more than I deserve.

But at the same time I still am worried about infertility and if we will be able to have any more children (we would love to have at least 3!).

For those struggling with infertility the best advice I can give is to put your hope, trust and faith in God alone.

Your own body may fail and betray you but God never will.

Through infertility, or any troubles in life for that matter, you have to trust and believe 100% that "all things work together for good to those who love God." (Romans 8:28)

Even if that "good" is never having a child.

It is a difficult thing to accept that "bad" things that happen in our lives may actual be a "good" in God's bigger plan.

But there is nothing like the peace that comes from resting in God's sovereignty.

Also, fight and fight hard, those feelings of bitterness and of covetousness toward people who have been blessed with children.

Consider the parable of the laborers in the vineyard from Matthew 20. (my pastor did a great sermon on this on Sunday)

Matthew 20:15 "Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? (aka life/blessings)  Or do you begrudge my generosity?"

None of us deserve any blessing from God.

Don't begrudge another's blessing.

Again, trust God's sovereignty.

For those of you who are blessed with fertility, thank the Lord for your children.

Also, keep in mind that the person you may be complaining to about the "inconveniences" of your children may be someone who would give anything to have one.

Embarrassing Photos

I realized recently that I didn't have any pictures of Alice in-the-nude to embarrass her with when she is older.

So I decided to fix that after her bath today.

Sporting her awesome comb-over.

"Mom!  I'm naked!"

"Oh, books!"

I love this face (below).  She makes it a lot now.

Nudie bootie on the move.

 "Hey, who's that cute baby over there?"

Alice: 7 Months

Weight:  About 16 pounds.

New Skills:  She seemed for a while to be getting really close to crawling but now she seems like she has given up in favor of walking.  Anytime she gets into the crawl position she straightens up her legs to stand.

She also has learned how to get from the crawl position to the sitting up position.

Megan's Nicknames:  From Stephen calling Alice "Dinker" I somehow went to calling her Ding-a-ling.  These nicknames are starting to get out of control, she will have had so many by the time she is 1!

Likes:  To walk.  By that I mean we hold onto her hands and she walks.  She also really likes people.  She gives big smiles when people talk and smile at her.  She also laughs sometimes when we laugh.

Our lunches.  Everyday me and her have lunch together.  I strip her down to her diaper and put her in the highchair and give her some food (such as slices of avocado, pear or steamed carrot sticks) and I eat my lunch while she has hers.  She doesn't really eat her food yet.  She grabs it and puts it to her mouth and if she bites off a piece she usually spits it out.  But she really enjoys all of it.  She also really enjoys drinking some water from a sippy cup.  She thinks it's funny when I try to eat the food out of her hand :)

Dislikes:  That she can't walk.  She often seems really frustrated that she can't stand up on her own.  Thankfully the car seat is no longer an issue.  She doesn't seem to mind it anymore.

Firsts:  On March 28th she started saying "da-da".  She doesn't connect it with anything but she says that and "ma-ma" a lot.

On April 6th she went to the zoo for the first time.  I will being doing a whole post on that soon.

Alice is getting harder and harder to photograph because she is always moving.  Doing these pictures she would go from sitting and flapping her arms and bouncing to down on all fours to trying to stand and then she would be rolling over.  I took a ton of pictures just because I knew so many would be blurry :o)

Alice sticks her tongue out a lot.

Pushing herself back up to a sitting position.

Trying to stand up.

Proof that even Alice has "bad" pictures :o)

Clever Apple Grand Re-Opening!

I have kept you in suspense long enough.

My CleverApple shop is finally re-opened!

And what am I selling?

Baby shoes!

But not just any baby shoes, these shoes come with snap-on, interchanging embellishments!

One shoe, so many looks!

You have your choice from satin poppies:

Felt flowers:

Or fabric buttons:

But the options don't end there!

You can get them reversible!

With a solid color:

Or one of these patterns:

Or one of these premium patterns (which I adore!):

But wait!  There's more!

I also have adjustable headbands with snap-on embellishments!  (and a cute model to show them off)

Not only do you get endless looks but you don't have to worry about your little one growing out of it!

You can choose one of these great elastic colors:

And then choose the snap-ons which are the same satin, felt and fabric button options as shown with the shoes, only the satin flower is bigger.

All the snap-ons are interchangeable so that means when the baby grows out of one size of shoes, the snap-ons will work for the next size up.  (so hopefully return customers :o)

This also means that the snap-ons for the shoes work for the headbands and vice versa.

But the headband satin flower would look too big on the shoe.

I do include a warning with the shoes and headbands that you need to keep an eye on your little one to make sure she doesn't pull off the snap-on embellishment and try to eat it since it can be a choking hazard.

It's the same with hair clips and such.

The snaps are pretty strong and Alice has never been able to pull the flowers off (and she has tried) but you never know what little Hercules babies are out there :o)

So that's it!

That is what I have been working on for the past 2 months or so.

I hope you (and everyone else) loves it!

So check it out here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/CleverApple